SEX THERAPY virtually throughout new jersey
For the problem you've Googled at 1am but never said out loud. Here, it's just part of the work — talked about directly, at a pace you can handle, without anyone turning red.
If you've never said it out loud, start by reading it:
→ You can't remember the last time. Months, maybe years. Neither of you brings it up, because bringing it up is worse.
→ One of you wants it more than the other — and the mismatch has turned into pressure on one side and guilt on the other.
→ Sex became tense after kids — your body changed, your roles changed, and desire didn't survive the shift.
→ It hurts, physically — and you've been told "everything looks normal," which somehow made it worse.
→ Performance anxiety has moved in — and now avoiding sex feels safer than risking another bad night.
→ Something happened in your past — and it shows up in the bedroom no matter how safe your partner is.
→ You love each other. That was never the question. The question is whether you can get this part back.
You can. And you don't have to figure out how before you call — that's the job of the person you're calling.
Sex therapy for couples — and for you alone
As a couple: you'll never be pushed to discuss more than you're ready to. Early sessions often spend as much time on the silence around sex as on sex itself — because for most couples, the avoidance has done more damage than the original problem. From there, the work is practical: rebuilding safety, then desire, then connection, in that order.
On your own: some of this work starts individually — sexual shame, trauma history, anxiety, or questions you want to sort out before (or instead of) bringing a partner into the room. Individual sessions are available for exactly this.
Want a defined arc instead of open-ended therapy? Our [8-Week Reconnect Program →] combines sex therapy and EMDR into a structured program with a clear beginning, middle, and end — built specifically for rebuilding emotional and physical connection.
What sex therapy actually is (and isn't)
Let's clear the awkward part first: sex therapy is talk therapy. Nothing physical happens in session — ever. It's a licensed clinician, a couch, and conversations most therapists were never trained to have.
That last part matters more than people realize. Most couples counselors receive almost no training in sexual issues, so when sex comes up, the session quietly steers back to "communication." The problem gets renamed instead of treated. Sex therapy training means the intimacy issue is the treatment target — desire, arousal, pain, avoidance, shame — approached with the same structure and skill any other clinical problem gets.
At Hanisch Counseling, sex therapy is part of a larger toolkit. Our couples counselor is Gottman-trained with advanced training in sex therapy and EMDR, which means:
→ The relationship pattern around sex — the pursuing, the avoiding, the fights about the not-fighting — gets Gottman-structured work.
→ The intimacy itself gets addressed directly, with real clinical tools, not vague encouragement to "make time for date night."
→ The history underneath it — past trauma, sexual shame, betrayal — can be treated in the same room with EMDR, instead of referring you out mid-progress. (For deeper trauma work, see our [EMDR Intensives for Couples →].)
‘Roommates’' is not a diagnosis. It's a pattern —
and patterns can change.
faq for sex therapy in nj
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No. Individuals come for sexual anxiety, shame, trauma history, pain, or desire concerns — with or without a partner involved. Some start alone and add their partner later.
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No — and you're far from unusual. Long sexless stretches are one of the most common reasons couples reach out, and they're workable. The avoidance pattern is usually more treatable than couples expect; the hardest step is the phone call you're considering right now.
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You'll never be pushed past your pace. Sessions are clinical, structured, and surprisingly normal — most couples say the awkwardness they dreaded lasted about ten minutes.
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Sex therapy works alongside medical care, not instead of it. We regularly coordinate with pelvic floor physical therapists, OB/GYNs, and urologists — and if you haven't had a medical workup where one's warranted, we'll say so.
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Yes — sessions are held virtually anywhere in NJ. Many couples actually prefer online for this work; being in your own space makes hard conversations easier to start.
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No — by design. Using insurance means creating a record: a diagnosis, treatment codes, and clinical notes about why you're in therapy, all submitted to your insurance company and living in a claims database. We don't believe anyone's sexual history belongs there. Sessions are $200, private pay, and no superbill is provided — which means no diagnosis, no codes, and nothing about your sex life or your marriage ever leaves this office.
Talk to someone who's trained for this conversation.
Couples Counseling in New Jersey | EMDR Intensives for Couples | 8-Week Reconnect Program