The Awkward Art of Teen Boundaries
Is My Teen Being Dramatic—or Just Learning Boundaries?
POV: I encourage my teen client to set a boundary with a friend… and the next session, they tell me they handed over a formal “friendship termination letter” with bullet points and citations.
At first, you might laugh—or panic. Did they go too far? Was that necessary??
Here’s the truth: When teens first start setting boundaries, it’s almost never smooth. And when you’re parenting a teen with anxiety, people-pleasing tendencies, or perfectionism, their first attempts at boundaries often look more extreme than you’d expect.
But this isn’t failure—it’s actually a sign of growth.
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard for Anxious Teens
Most teens (especially those who struggle with anxiety) have spent years trying to make everyone around them comfortable. Saying yes when they don’t want to. Ignoring hurt feelings. Laughing off mistreatment just to keep the peace.
So when we teach them to set boundaries, we’re not just changing behavior—we’re asking them to rewrite their entire emotional operating system.
And let’s be real: that kind of shift doesn’t happen gracefully the first time around.
What “Overcorrecting” Boundaries Can Look Like
If your teen has ever:
Gone no-contact with someone over a small disagreement
Sent a text ending a friendship after one awkward interaction
Told a teacher they’re “not emotionally available for group work”
Delivered a rehearsed speech that feels way too intense for the moment
…it’s probably not because they’re being rude or dramatic.
It’s because they’re trying to feel safe, in control, and heard—after years of not feeling that way.
When a teen goes from no boundaries to rigid ones, it’s often because they don’t yet know where the middle ground is. They’re trying, and they’re scared of doing it wrong.
Therapy Teaches the Gray Area
At our practice, we help teens with anxiety and emotional overwhelm learn what healthy boundaries actually look and feel like.
That means:
Practicing how to say no without guilt
Role-playing boundary-setting in a way that feels safe and doable
Learning how to regulate their nervous system before and after a hard conversation
Exploring what internal boundaries look like too (like not over-apologizing or over-explaining)
Instead of feeling like they have to choose between total silence and total cut-off, teens begin to find confidence in the messy, real-life middle ground.
What You Can Do as a Parent
If your teen starts “overdoing it” with boundaries, try not to freak out. This is part of their growth curve—not the end of the world.
✔ Validate the effort. “I can see you’re trying to stand up for yourself. That’s a big deal.”
✔ Ask reflective questions. “How did it feel afterward? Did anything feel too much or not enough?”
✔ Help them evaluate, not shame. “What would you do the same or differently next time?”
When we support teens through the awkward stages of growth, we teach them that it’s safe to try, safe to mess up, and safe to try again.
Boundaries Are a Skill—Not a Personality
Your teen isn’t too sensitive, too intense, or too extreme. They’re just learning how to care for themselves in a world that rarely teaches emotional boundaries well.
With practice, support, and safe spaces like therapy, teens learn how to set limits with clarity instead of fear—and connection instead of conflict.
📩 Is your teen struggling with setting boundaries, feeling anxious around friendships, or stuck in people-pleasing patterns?
Schedule a free consultation to learn how therapy can help them grow the confidence and emotional regulation skills they need—without waiting years to figure it out.
*NJ, FL, & VT residents only
